Another one:

Just wonderful, makes me dance madly around the room, singing at the top of my voice.

*smiles happily*

I just love this song:

It takes me away from this grey, damp land, and back into the land where the passion runs so deeply in my veins.

It’s 10.15pm. I’m tired. Or I thought I was tired. Mr. Razzler and I decided to have an early night. I made my last few comments on blogs (obsessed? Maybe) and went to bed. Mr. Razzler is already snoring - I mean, he’s not even been there 5 minutes! Ping! I’m wide awake.

It’s probably because I’ve been a bit nervous and jittery this week. I made a stupid mistake at work, came clean, and waited for wrath to descend on me. It didn’t come. My boss thanked me for owning up and said not to worry, we’ll sort it out. But I was always one of those kids who was terrified about getting into trouble at school. If I was late handing in homework it would bring me out in stomach cramps. So even though this particular situation was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be, I still have butterflies in my tummy.

It’s like… I’m waiting for them all to find out that I’m a fraud. And by them, I mean THE WHOLE WORLD. Everybody. How ridiculous.

Jesus told us not to worry. What’s the point? What does worrying achieve? Nothing. And yet I still do it. Almost every situation I’ve worried about recently has turned out fine. And the others God has given me the strength to cope with. Why can’t I learn this simple lesson? STOP WORRYING!!!

So, as I can’t sleep yet, I think I’ll blog about a bit. See if I can find anything deep and meaningful to take my silly mind off my own problems, which I don’t have the power to solve anyway, but which I will still worry endlessly about.

The following is taken from the Facebook application “MyType”. Note: I’m not usually a fan of FB apps, but this one isn’t bad:

INFP Strengths

• Most INFPs will exhibit the following strengths with regards to relationship issues:

• Warmly concerned and caring towards others

• Sensitive and perceptive about what others are feeling

• Loyal and committed - they want lifelong relationships

• Deep capacity for love and caring - yep, but I have a tendency to hide this “deep capacity” so I’m not sure if others know much about this aspect of my nature

• Driven to meet others’ needs - often to the detriment of my own needs

• Strive for “win-win” situations - yes, this is awful, I can tie myself in knots when I spend too much time with pessimists

• Nurturing, supportive and encouraging

• Likely to recognize and appreciate others’ need for space

• Able to express themselves well - sometimes, it depends on how emotional I am about a given topic. I communicate much better in writing

• Flexible and diverse - I’m very diverse, I hate to be boxed in

INFP Weaknesses

• Most INFPs will exhibit the following weaknesses with regards to relationship issues:

• May tend to be shy and reserved - yep, although I’m beginning to get over this now

• Don’t like to have their “space” invaded - I HATE my space being invaded!

• Extreme dislike of conflict - definitely, although I recognise that conflict can be useful at times

• Extreme dislike of criticism - oh yes, I start to shake and everything!

• Strong need to receive praise and positive affirmation - I think so, although I’m not very good at receiving it

• May react very emotionally to stressful situations - hmmm, this may have been said about me

• Have difficulty leaving a bad relationship

• Have difficulty scolding or punishing others - yes, although this doesn’t seem to apply when I’m cross with Mr. Razzler!

• Tend to be reserved about expressing their feelings - yes, only those whom I deeply trust get access to my real feelings - and all you nice people who read my blog of course!

• Perfectionist tendencies may cause them to not give themselves enough credit - yep, I get told off for this

• Tendency to blame themselves for problems, and hold everything on their own shoulders - yep

There is so much more I could write about. I am driven to work out who I am, what I’m good at, bad at, why I think the way I do, how I interact with others… to understand and to be understood, in short. So many people seem to think that INFPs are the fluffy bunny personality type - and it isn’t true. Or not all the time, anyway. We are complex, highly individual people. Maybe I’ll attempt to do a series on this.

Gasp - I can sense you all holding your collective breath in anticipation. Indulge me.

Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Matthew 5:4

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.
Romans 12:15

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”
Revelation 21:1-5

Remember I said that I’d had a conversation with my sister about relativism? Well, guess what! She’s started a blog! I am a trendsetter.

Go and take a look: she goes by the name of Thinkbubble. Her first blog post is about truth (surprise, surprise, haha!). She is very philosophical by nature, and much better at it than me, having actually studied philosophy at university.

My brain has been doing its usual over-analysing thing over the last few days. I had a conversation with my sister about relativism, I’ve been reading a blog about Catholicism, and I’m trying to become more self-disciplined (something I have always struggled with). Now, these subjects are not really related, but I’m going to blog about them anyway.

Relativism. I just don’t get it. How can two opposing statements both be true? It just doesn’t make sense. I understand tolerance. I believe that everyone has the right to believe whatever they want. But deluding ourselves into thinking that not only can we believe whatever we want, but also that, no matter how opposing our views are, they are all true, because all truth is relative (what works for me is true and what works for you is true) is surely just that: self-delusion.

Who gets to decide what is actually true? Lets take the above theory, that truth is relative, and ponder it for a moment. I am certain that I am typing this post using a keyboard which is plugged into my computer. What if someone came in and was certain that actually I was just thinking this post and magically transferring my thoughts to the computer using nothing but the power of positive thinking… Can this person possibly be correct? I’m fairly sure that the answer is no.

So, common sense comes in somewhere along the line. If certain things are true and other things are not true in the physical world, then doesn’t the same rule apply in the spiritual realm?

Back to my question then: who gets to decide what is true? This brings me to a blog I’ve been reading: “Et tu?”. This is a wonderful, insightful blog, by a woman who used to be an atheist and became a Christian a few years ago. I love reading her blog. She wrote a post about why she became a Catholic. Fascinating. I am not one of these Christians who believe that Catholics aren’t real Christians, that they’re not saved, or anything like that. I have known some very devout Catholics, who had a sincere faith in Christ Jesus as their Saviour and Lord. Jennifer F. mentions how she struggled to understand the Bible when she was searching for God. How do we know which bits of the Bible have a literal, concrete meaning, which can be applied directly to our lives, and which bits are metaphorical, with a general meaning? She says how she found Christians who could defend their beliefs using scripture, but two Christians could both defend their differing views using different Biblical quotes. Therefore, how do we know how to use the Bible? This is what she discovered:

“Around this time someone told me that one of the Christian denominations claimed that God did leave us this “answer key” I’d been yearning for. I found out that the Catholic Church claimed to be a sort of divinely-guided Supreme Court, that God guided this Church to be inerrant in its official proclamations about what is right and wrong, how to interpret the Bible, how to know Jesus Christ, and all other questions of God and what he wants us to do. I heard that it claims that God speaks to us through sacred Scripture and through the sacred Tradition of his living Church.”

This seriously got me thinking. I just don’t understand where the Biblical precedent is for a “divinely-guided Supreme Court” that is “inerrant in its official proclamations”. To me, the Church (that is the body of Christ, the worldwide community of believers in Christ Jesus) will always get some stuff wrong. The concept of the now and the not yet. We have God’s Spirit with us now, to give us understanding and to guide us, but there are many things about God that we will not understand until we are in His presence after this life ends. Jonolan has also covered this topic recently, in his post “The God Delusion”:

“Now please don’t get me wrong, I do not deny the existence of a god-head. I deny Man’s understanding of it. I believe that Man cannot - not in any meaningful way - understand the divine. We see the God(s) through the lenses of our own inadequacy.”

There have been some fascinating comments about this post - go and have a look for yourselves. Now for myself, I believe that although we cannot understand the divine fully, God has given us Scripture so that we can learn about Him, and he gives us His spirit to help guide us (amongst other things). But it isn’t so very clear cut. Christians disagree on many things; homosexuality, divorce, drinking, sex, contraception, abortion, etc. We can’t all be right. See, once again, how I don’t subscribe to relativist beliefs. How then, do we come to an understanding of God’s will (preferably without having to resort to the age-old tactic of “I’m right, you’re wrong”)?

I welcome comments on this topic. I hope that if people find my blog who are either Catholics, or believe in relativism, that they will not be offended by anything I have written. I just want to understand, and I hope that people will feel comfortable enough to comment. If not… then I’ll keep reading around and maybe I will understand eventually.

Here is a quote, which I find to be very helpful in my thought process:

In essentials unity. In non-essentials liberty. In everything love.
Augustine.

PS. You may have noticed that I have not written about self-discipline. It really wasn’t related so I’ll leave that for another time.

PPS. I also hope that nobody thinks that I am confusing Catholicism and relativism - I’m not; I just find both subjects relevant to the common subject of truth.

Elizabeth, over at The House in Marrakesh, has posted some lovely photos of floor and wall tiles that are often seen in old houses in North Africa/the Middle East. I love these tiles. I lived in a traditional old house in Damascus. It was a bit run down but still lovely. The house had two floors and a courtyard in the middle, filled with plants, a tortoise, plastic table and chairs, and a fountain - that I never saw turned on:

We, unfortunately, did not have beautiful tiles. We had very utilitarian tiles. Chipped utilitarian tiles. But still lovely to lie on in the hot weather. This is what I would like to be doing now. I had the same tiles in my bedroom. That room was freezing and unpleasant in the winter (due to it’s enormous size and lack of insulation) but perfectly cooling in the summer.

The entrance to my bedroom, off the courtyard.

Ah, to be sitting in that courtyard, drinking mint tea…

The weather is just beautiful here right now. Sunny and hot. It’s such a shame I’m stuck in the office.

We spent the weekend with my family, by the beach. Lovely. We had a barbecue (barbeque? Maybe BBQ is easiest!) yesterday afternoon, after my 2 sisters were baptised at church in the morning. Yes, I did cry.

My littlest sister managed to get through 6 chicken legs, 2 chicken thighs, 2 pork chops, and at least 3 kebabs. I have no idea where she puts it all! She must have hollow legs.

I’m tired today. I’ve been not been feeling my best for a few days, and today my head is throbbing and spinning slightly. This is very annoying as it’s impeding my usual drifting thoughts. *sighs*

We’ll see if I can dredge up anything more interesting for a decent blog post later on.