Forgiveness

The temptation to hurt back when you’ve been hurt. Ooh, that’s a hard one. I’m one of those people with a quick temper. I hate rudeness and disrespect. When someone hurts me, my sarcastic tongue wants to go on a rampage.

But this is not what God calls me to do. Forgiveness. Reconciliation.

Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called sons of God.
Matthew 5:9

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
Luke 6.37

This is really hard. Self-protection comes to the fore. But as God has forgiven me, who am I to hold resentment against anyone? And this is not just about forgiving people in our hearts, but also about actively working towards reconciliation, even if it’s hard work and even if it means facing more rejection.

Me

I seem to be on a constant mission to understand what makes me tick. I so desperately want other people to understand what makes me tick. I want to understand my weaknesses and become stronger, but at the same time just want to be accepted for who I am, and not feel under constant pressure to change to fit other people’s expectations.

I swing back and forth and back and forth between these two opposites. I am proud of who I am, I have a good brain, I’m very self-aware, I am insightful, and I care. But then I start to worry if I come on too strong, does X think I’m naive? I definitely confuse people!

Dopey

I’m sleepy and feeling heavy and dopey. Must be a reaction to all that happened last week. My brain isn’t working at all. I just want to curl up in a corner and read Harry Potter…

Life To The Full

Therefore Jesus said again, “I tell you the truth, I am the gate for the sheep. All who ever came before me were thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not listen to them. I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. He will come in and go out, and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
John 10:7-10

What does “life to the full” mean? This was the opening to last night’s home group meeting. Some of the thoughts that come to my mind:

No fear of death.
Hope of life eternal, and the treasures of heaven. See Joy
No fear in life.
For it is God that I trust.
Being able to talk to my Friend and Lord, when I have worries, doubts, struggles, joys and celebrations.
The joy of seeing God’s creation and enjoying life the way it should be enjoyed.
My Creator’s help when I am in trouble.

But is living life to the full more than this? Does it bring responsibilities?

The word of the LORD came to me, saying,
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”
“Ah, Sovereign LORD,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am only a child.”
But the LORD said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am only a child.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the LORD.
Then the LORD reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, “Now, I have put my words in your mouth. See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant.”

“Get yourself ready! Stand up and say to them whatever I command you. Do not be terrified by them, or I will terrify you before them. Today I have made you a fortified city, an iron pillar and a bronze wall to stand against the whole land—against the kings of Judah, its officials, its priests and the people of the land. They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the LORD.
Jeremiah 1:4-10, 17-19

Jeremiah became one of God’s prophets, for over 40 years. He had an incredibly hard job; barely anybody listened to him, he was ridiculed and thrown into prison… I could go on. But he continued. He was not overcome. God’s strength was sufficient for him. God is faithful. He expects me to do His work, and although it is unlikely that I will have to do anything as hard as what Jeremiah did, still he will be there to rescue me and I will not be overcome. This is part of what “life to the full” means to me.

As Promised

Here it is, folks, as mentioned below:

An Apocalyptic One-Liner

Every time someone predicts the date of the end of the world, God pushes the date back a little, just to be funny.

I never promised that it would be a good joke. But it made me snigger.

Woohoo!

Well, I’ve had an incredibly hard few days. But I just found out that the job I have been doing on a temporary basis for the past 6 months is now mine permanently! I had the interview yesterday and was soooo nervous, but that is just a distant memory now.

Er, can’t think of a title for this one…

Right, people, I know things have been getting a bit heavy here, the past week or so… That’s just the way my mind has been going recently. So I’ll try to think of a joke or amusing story to put up tomorrow, to lighten the mood a bit.

But I’m not promising anything!

Joy

Easter Sunday. Sermon on joy.

The disciples were overjoyed when they saw the Lord.
John 20:20

Those of us who love the Lord should be filled with overwhelming joy because He is risen from the dead.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
1 Peter 1:3-9

Wow. Really. You have no idea how appropriate this was for me. How much I needed to hear it. But you know the problem? I needed to hear it, but even more than that, I need to act on it.

The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.
Psalm 126:3

Though now, for a little while, I will suffer grief in all kinds of trials, yet the Lord is my salvation.

The Word

His Word shall live forever

The Word is a sword that pierces the heart

The Truth is the light that cuts through the dark

Of this world

Nations shall rise and

Nations shall fall

But nothing can stand

In the way of the Word

(Lyrics by Iona)

My Prayer

Every Easter God does something powerful in my heart to change me. I used to wonder - why Easter? But I’ve come to realise that it’s because my heart is more open at this time. I just can’t let Easter go by without seeking God more, without searching for a deeper understanding of the riches of the wonderful miracle of redemption.

Waiting to see You
Waiting to hear You
Waiting for vision
To see Your revelation
(Lyrics by Iona)

What is God telling me? What does He ask of me? To let Him in. To allow Him to take over my life. To rule my heart. The deepest longings of my heart can not be achieved by my work alone. I cry out to God in desperation to heal the brokenness of this world. To bring hope again.

Lord, open my eyes and my heart so that I can do Your work, and pray for this world on my knees as I should.

Another World

Wow. I’ve just found the most amazing artwork, over at The Hermitage. It is utterly enchanting, but I can’t conjure up words good enough to describe it… so I leave it to you to discover for yourselves.

The Joy Of My Heart

Your statutes are my heritage forever; they are the joy of my heart.
Psalm 119:111

What is the joy of my heart? For I know it is the things of God that will last forever, everything else will fade away.

Your righteousness is everlasting and your law is true.
Psalm 119:142

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.
Galations 5:22-26

Lord, let me never forget that where my treasure is there my heart shall be also.

Acting

I’ve been wondering today, how do I come across to other people? Or rather, how did I come across to other people when I was I teenager?

I was horribly shy as a kid, and lacking in self-confidence. I was tall and skinny, with bad hair, bad skin and bad glasses. My dad was a minister, everybody knew I was a Christian, I had an odd accent, I had absolutely no hand-eye coordination, and I was a “swot”, ie. I was relatively clever, and enjoyed my classes (well, most of them anyway!).

Did I come across as shy as I remember being? Sometimes maybe. I remember being told, after I left school, that I used to walk around never looking at anybody, like I was a ghost. This was a result of years of being bullied. I tried to attract as little attention to myself as possible. But my parents seem to remember me as this bright, confident girl, who got involved in everything, and didn’t let the bullies affect her; just got up, brushed herself off, and carried on. This was when I learnt the art of making a joke at crucial moments.

Did anybody see what was going on inside? Was I such a good actor?

How good an actor am I nowadays? Well, things are simpler now, because I have a LOT more confidence. I am comfortable with who I am… most of the time. But old habits die hard.

Selfish Desires

Jesus replied, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.
John 12:23-26

We had a great sermon about this at church yesterday. And somehow I identified with it in more than just an intellectual way. A lot of the things that I have witnessed recently seem to have their roots in this.

The Church has no place for power struggles. Christian relationships have no place for power struggles.

For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified.
1 Corinthians 2:2

Jesus brings life through death. We must put our selfish desires to death. A demanding and compelling thought, one that is exceptionally hard to follow, but one that must not be ignored.

Values and Harmony

To follow up on my thoughts in “Contradictions“: Are values and harmony always mutually exclusive, or only sometimes?

To explain what I mean by that, it may be helpful to have a look at this: http://www.personalitypage.com/INFP.html.

INFPs hate conflict, and according to many of the type profiles, we will go to great lengths to get out of it, and if we’re in it we do not care who is right, but rather just want everybody to get along.

Hmmm. True? Well it is true that we don’t like conflict, and we often don’t deal with it very well. (Or I don’t, anyway!) But what about if someone violates one of our values?

INFPs are flexible and laid-back, until one of their values is violated. In the face of their value system being threatened, INFPs can become aggressive defenders, fighting passionately for their cause. When an INFP has adopted a project or job which they’re interested in, it usually becomes a “cause” for them. Although they are not detail-oriented individuals, they will cover every possible detail with determination and vigor when working for their “cause”.

How can this be? How can we hate conflict and do almost anything to avoid it, and yet fight passionately for the things we most value? Well, it seems to me that it depends on what we value the most. For some INFPs some values simply are more important than harmony.

As a wise woman once said, “It’s always been rather interesting that so many INFPs (me included) are really quite argumentative! It boils down to the internal values, I think. Once something contradicts a precious internal value, and congruence is threatened, harmony goes right out of the window! I wonder, too, if INFPs whose personal values are a bit counter-cultural, or slightly eccentric(!) will spend a much higher proportion of their time in conflict with the world!”

Well, that explains me quite a bit. And it explains why a lot of people really don’t “get” me. Sometimes I am quiet and shy, laid back, and occasionally a bit of a doormat! And sometimes I just have to express myself and I can be very forceful, and this can shock some people, until they have got to know me a bit better.